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07 October 2006 @ 04:05 pm
Silent Sigh (House, House/Wilson)  
Title: Silent Sigh
Fandom: House
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Summary: Wilson, autumn, melancholy, and House.
Notes: Unbetaed. Title stolen from a really awesome Badly Drawn Boy song. Second person pov.


When autumn comes, the leaves crunch beneath your feet, and your breath leaves white trails in the air. The sounds of the birds change. They sound sadder, yearning for summer. The cold has come early this year. It's barely even October.

You run in the autumn, through orange-yellow-red parks, across gray pavement, because when you run, the cold air fills your lungs and claws at your skin.

Because when you run, your brain clears, your heart pumps, your muscles ache, and it reminds you you're here, you're alive.


("You're being pathetic," House says when you tell him this while drunk. "And maudlin. But mostly pathetic."

You laugh, because House is telling the truth, always telling the truth, first, last, always. "I guess it could be worse," you reply. "I could be you."
)


On Yom Kippur, you go to synagogue alone. No Julie, no Sarah, no Allison. It is a day of self-denial, of repentance, and you have not eaten since sundown the previous day. You're being a good Jew. Your parents would be proud.

The rabbi's beard is flecked black amongst the gray, and his voice is rough and low. You don't know Hebrew, but you know the words, the way they flow over you, through you, leave traces on your skin.

It is the Day of Atonement, and you imagine your sins as leaves, scattered along the sidewalks, gathered up into piles, crushed underfoot.


("Jewish guilt. It's entirely overrated." House has a big lunch today, and he's exaggerating each bite, each chew.

You watch him and try not to think of food. "So is being an asshole, but you seem to enjoy it anyway."
)


You had your second wedding in the fall, because her family was from California, and they wanted an excuse to see the color change.

It had rained the night before. The ground was soft beneath your feet, and the air smelled like dirt and moss and rain. House whispered comments about all the guests in your ear, trying to get you laugh at inappropriate times.

You remember the feel of her hands in yours, the white of her smile, the white of her dress. You remember the moment you kissed her and thought you were in love.


("Love is for idiots and optimists," House says before kissing you, lips on lips, teeth against teeth.

You agree, of course, but that doesn't stop you from kissing him back. Doesn't stop love from settling on your skin, your heart. Doesn't stop it from wrapping itself around your body, blanketing you in its heat.
)


You visit House's apartment every night for a week to drink bad beer and watch the Yankees win the playoffs again. The tree outside his window is shedding its leaves, and in late afternoon, the shadows of its branches look like fingers reaching for your feet.

One night, you drift off during the eighth inning, head rolling to rest on his shoulder. The television hums in the background and the aftertaste of Pad Thai rests on your tongue. The remnants of the day linger on the edges of your mind.

His fingers drift over your palm before sleep overtakes you.

That night, you dream of running, leaves crunching beneath your feet, your breath leaving white trails in the air. A familiar figure at your side, matching you step for step, beat for beat.


(His fingers tangle in your hair, and you can hear his heart beating in his chest. "Guess this means I'm an idiot," he mutters, almost too softly for you to hear.

Your eyes close, and something in your throat constricts, something in your heart tightens. "Hey, you never know," you murmur against his neck. "You could just be an optimist."
)


Autumn fades like like an old photograph, colors washed away with time.

Flu season is coming, and the clinic begins to fill with hacking coughs, bleary eyes, runny noses. You still eat outside, under the trees. House smirks smugly about something, and his eyes make you think of ice, cold and blue and sharp, but his hand tightens around yours, point of contact, shared body heat.

A brown leaf drifts down to land on the table, curled and brittle. The sky is a pale gray, and you think of snow and hot chocolate and Chinese food in front of fireplaces. A smile ghosts over your lips.

You count the days until winter.


FIN.
 
 
 
weareallbweareallb on October 7th, 2006 08:25 pm (UTC)
Good fic and nice writing style, but somehow I just can't get into House/Wilson. Maybe I just think that House is too hot to be gay...
thedeadparrot: crouching tigerthedeadparrot on October 7th, 2006 08:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

I like to think of House as a raging bisexual. And I love House/Wilson, because I think Wilson's one of the few people who really gets the way House works and is completely willing to fight House on his own terms.
(no subject) - pinglederry on October 9th, 2006 12:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - phoenixangel13 on October 7th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Victoriateengeek on October 7th, 2006 08:27 pm (UTC)
This was a very sweet, well-written story. Bravo. I enjoyed it. :)
thedeadparrotthedeadparrot on October 7th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
the avey tare to my panda bear: House and Wilson-- pale + heartcirrocumulus on October 7th, 2006 09:15 pm (UTC)
Awwwwwwww.



I liked this. Sweet but not sappy. Nice.
thedeadparrot: happiness is a warm gunthedeadparrot on October 8th, 2006 04:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I was kind of worried it would end up sappy.
no_eden on October 7th, 2006 10:02 pm (UTC)
Awesome. Plus you get brownie points for the Yom Kippur reference. Jew!Wilson fics rock.
thedeadparrot: moby playthedeadparrot on October 8th, 2006 05:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you. And yeah, I totally like Jew!Wilson. It's not something you see a lot of.
perspi on October 7th, 2006 10:39 pm (UTC)
Oooo, I liked this--the style was very different, but the way you intertwined 'regular' Wilson with 'House's' Wilson was very effective.

Will we see a winter fic? Maybe all four seasons?
thedeadparrot: beauty breakdownthedeadparrot on October 8th, 2006 09:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I love playing around with different styles. I'm glad this one worked. :)

I'm not sure about any more seasons. It would be a cool idea, but I don't really have any ideas for them. :/
Asyasynca on October 7th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
Intimate and hopeful :) I also like the formatting.

And yes, I second Perspi's req for the rest of the seasons!
thedeadparrot: introspection in weird momentsthedeadparrot on October 8th, 2006 10:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'm glad the formatting worked. :)
tourmaline1973 on October 7th, 2006 11:07 pm (UTC)
Love this....I'm trying to adjust to the fact that summer's over and it's now autumn....this is so sweet but a little bit sad round the edges, just like autumn.
thedeadparrot: staring at the sunthedeadparrot on October 9th, 2006 01:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I really love autumn. (More than summer, honestly. I'm not a big fan of the stickiness.) And I kind of wanted to capture the spirit of it.
(Deleted comment)
thedeadparrot: silent sighthedeadparrot on October 10th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC)
Thanks. Yeah, I totally love how well they know each other.
(Deleted comment)
thedeadparrot: going placesthedeadparrot on October 10th, 2006 03:46 am (UTC)
Thank you! I don't think I'll do other seasons, but hey, you never know. :)
Saturn: house_two is simplersaturn92103 on October 8th, 2006 01:33 pm (UTC)
This is lovely.
thedeadparrot: flyingthedeadparrot on October 10th, 2006 03:46 am (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
small pepper: BBMnieded on October 9th, 2006 02:59 am (UTC)
This is... awesomely awesome. Yeah. *blinks*
thedeadparrot: travis sun shiningthedeadparrot on October 10th, 2006 04:51 am (UTC)
Thanks! Blinking is always good. :p
the falling and rising: house again [by _thepleiades]glassbomb on October 10th, 2006 04:01 am (UTC)
Darn you for tempting me with well-written House/Wilson!
thedeadparrot: house + wilsonthedeadparrot on October 10th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
Ha. I can totally tempt you with even better House/Wilson (i.e. not written by me), too!
Psycheazdaja_dafema on April 30th, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC)
*mems* this is beautiful. It's completely worth the half an hour odd I had trying to get my internet to work this evening. I love the calmness of it all, the presence.
thedeadparrotthedeadparrot on April 30th, 2007 11:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad it could make your day just that much brighter.
is it wrong to wish on space hardware?greenapricot on July 5th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
This is wonderful.
thedeadparrotthedeadparrot on July 6th, 2009 01:48 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Alice: HMD: House/Wilson waitingalice_1005 on July 2nd, 2010 01:04 pm (UTC)
This is so beautiful. I love character study-ish fics of Wilson that mention his religion and wives and such. And House's way of saying 'I love you' was perfect. (Of course he's said it now, in canon, which I'll never stop squee'ing over).

Thank you.
thedeadparrotthedeadparrot on July 4th, 2010 11:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it!